Joyce reveals depression depths
FORMER deputy prime minister Barnaby Joyce has opened up about the depths of the depression he felt amid a scandal that saw his marriage of 24 years fall apart, amid an affair with a staffer and the subsequent birth of their baby son.
In a new interview with Fairfax Media to discuss the release of his new book Weatherboard & Iron, Mr Joyce said he even contemplated dying.
"I wanted to go without anybody knowing," he told the Australian media company.
"When I was at home I was a lie, and when I was in Canberra I was ashamed," he reportedly writes in the book.
Mr Joyce also opened up about the breakdown of his marriage to ex-wife Natalie and that he spent years in Canberra "wandering and getting closer to other women" before beginning a romantic relationship with ex-staffer, Vikki Campion.
Mr Joyce said his wife Natalie had reportedly "demanded, with our relationship in serious trouble, that I seek help".
"Winston Churchill had his black dog: mine was a half-crazed cattle dog, biting everything that came near the yard," Fairfax Media reports.
"But the downside comes as well, when you get sad in the afternoon because it's the afternoon and there are not enough clouds in the sky …
"When you stop thinking about how sad it will be when you have gone, to thinking, I have hurt so many that I want to go without anybody knowing."
Mr Joyce also reportedly speaks of getting help from a psychiatrist so as not to plummet further "into darkness".
He told Fairfax Media that friends became even more concerned over an interview he gave the Sydney Morning Herald when he suggested that he might not be the biological father to son, Sebastian, in the weeks before Ms Campion gave birth.
Joyce called the comments a "terrible mistake".
"Somehow I thought that creating doubt by not having all the details might switch this frenzy off," he reportedly writes in the book. "You are not logical when under intense pressure for weeks."
Joyce has reportedly dedicated the book to "my beloved daughters and son".
"I wish I could have given you a life outside the spotlight I turned on. I wanted the best for you but was blinded in the glare of the exertion."
And to Ms Campion, "my at times, typist, editor, critic and ever-patient partner, sitting tortured behind her keyboard trying to make sense of me."