Unicorns and The Exorcist: Super flu hits CQ woman hard
WELL, flu season is here. Oh, sorry, no it’s not. It’s actually the middle of summer, but do you think that matters in my household? Nope.
We just had a flu go through that makes every other single sickness that I have ever had look like child’s play.
All three of my kids got it first, although by the time I got it, it seemed that it morphed with twelve other flus to make one giant super flu that was hell bent on bringing me to my knees – and it did.
I woke up one day with a mild cough and not a single other symptom.
Two days later I felt and looked exactly like Regan from the movie The Exorcist.
I slept for two days straight, waking only to take a boiling hot shower while fevering, and to beg and bargain with God as to what I would give up if he could just see to it to ease my suffering.
I coughed so hard I’m pretty sure I ruptured something important, and let me just tell you, that kind of coughing will evict everything from you whether you like it or not, if you know what I mean.
This was one of the few times being single really worked out for me.
I finally decided when I could no longer breathe that I may need to see a doctor, and since I couldn’t do much outside of crawling, I called the House Doctor out.
When he arrived, I explained my symptoms through coughing fits and unintentional fluffs, and he listened to my lungs for approximately 2.2 seconds before declaring I definitely needed antibiotics.
He handed me one antibiotic to take that night, with a prescription to get filled the next day, and handed me another pill for my head pain.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Tramadol,” he replied without even the slightest hint of warning in his voice.
Now, some of you may have heard of Tramadol, I hadn’t.
I am the type of person who will have a headache, forget to take even Panadol, and realise later I could have ended my suffering earlier.
Let me explain. Giving someone who doesn’t normally take pain pills a Tramadol, is like introducing someone to vegetables by giving them a jalapeno pepper.
So, as I laid on the couch realizing I was about to go on a trip whether I was packed or not, I noticed my head pain was gone, but my eyeballs were going two different directions, which made it extremely hard to focus on the unicorn standing next to me.
That lasted for about a half an hour until it fully knocked me out and helped me forget that I was horribly sick, until I woke a couple of hours later still horribly sick, but also nauseous and hungover.
Thankfully, I am finally on the mend, and really hoping the Big Guy upstairs understands I was desperate when I told him I’d give up shredded cheese and reality TV.