Wake up and smell the burnt toast

AS OUR toaster, Sir Burnsalot, filled the kitchen with billowing clouds of smoke, I opened the doors and windows and pondered when manufacturers started relying on the buying public to road test their products.

Surely the makers of Sir Burnsalot wouldn't release a toaster with 10 settings, eight of which produce charcoal, while anything below two merely warms your bread slices?

And do the designers of our washing machine, The Knotter, know that they've created a machine that not only cleans your clothes, but ties them into a ball so tight that they can only be separated with a very sharp axe?

And did any of the folk behind The Blipper, our digital television, actually test one in their own homes?

If they had, they'd have soon discovered that apart from having amazing picture and sound quality, The Blipper also does the following whenever a cloud passes over the moon or a cat strolls by:

"And the murderer is ..." No signal.

"He's going to score! It's …" No signal.

Mind you, The Blipper's remote control has earned Greg's Five Thumbs Up, because ours has spent more time flying through the air than a long haul aircraft and survived some spectacular landings.

Finally, each morning I lurch from my bed trailing one leg uselessly behind me thanks to The Chiropractor's Friend, aka the Mattress from Hell.

I've often wondered if anyone at the factory has spent more than three minutes lying on one of their back-wrecking creations.

Occasionally I'll toy with upgrading all these items, but I'm not keen to fork out more money to assess another batch of untested products, so I'll put up with them, for now.

On the bright side, at least my old computer is still working reliab…

Greg Bray blogs at http://www.gregbraywriter.wordpress.com. Find him on Facebook: Greg Bray - Writer.