Aquaman himself, Jason Momoa, object of columnist Lisa Donovan's fantasies.
Aquaman himself, Jason Momoa, object of columnist Lisa Donovan's fantasies.

YANK IN OZ: I don’t need your singing video

WE’RE well into week four of quarantine, or is it week seven? Anyway, some weeks ago, all of the world was placed in lockdown to help stop the spread of the world’s first pandemic in a long damn time, according to my internet research. (And by “research” I mean binge watching 90 Day Fiance while polishing off my third bowl of Mac and Cheese. (Okay, it was five bowls, but in my defence the microwave packs are markedly smaller than the stove-top ones.)

Anyway, I’ve noticed an extremely worrying trend going around during this whole thing, and quite frankly I’m scared. Everyone is posting videos of them singing. I’m not sure what it is that I need during this time (Jason Momoa), but it certainly isn’t thousands of strangers on the internet singing from their homes. Sorry, Jenna, but seeing you in your jammies, chai latte in one hand, legs crossed with a messy bun, while your bearded, man-bun hubby softly strums his guitar behind you and you’re giving us your best rendition of – insert literally any folk song here – is being very presumptuous that this is what we want during this time.

Again, I can’t quite put my finger on what would make me feel better (Jason Momoa cooking me breakfast), but musicals are the least favourite type of movie for a reason. People don’t tend to like others just randomly breaking into song unless they’re 12 shots in at the pub and someone happens to play Piano Man on the jukebox. Some of you may already be 12 shots in, as day drinking has apparently become the sponsored sport for the COVID-19 epidemic.

Plus, there are so many singers on social media at the moment I can’t even sift through to find the important stuff like videos of animals that befriend animals of other species. Now that’s quality viewing, people.

Remember years ago when someone could sing and it was a novelty and they became famous for it? Yeah, me neither. Now you can go online and find no fewer than 14 billion people singing and a lot of them are actually good. Which is exactly the problem: something is no longer special when everyone can do it. We love to see the Susan Boyles of the world, the underdog, come out and blow our socks off.

When the majority of people can do something it’s no longer special. Just think if every guy in the world looked like Jason Momoa. What a wonderful world it would be. I mean, think of how boring that would become (not really) just seeing those same old muscles with that tanned, tattooed skin every…single…day, with that beautiful flowing brown hair and smile that could light up the world with a flash of those unbelievably white, perfect teeth and that little mischievious glint in his eye…

Wait, where were we? Oh yeah. So, before you go and post that singing video, remember, we’ve seen it all before. But have you seen Jason Momoa?